The Eleventh Month

Funny how things change:  sometimes top-down, sometimes inside-out.  The move was a success, though there were several anxious months as we were smashed up against my mother's world.  The barn remodel took a lot longer than we'd thought, so we didn't get in there until a few weeks ago, and even that wasn't totally settled until the other day, when we finally sat back and relaxed in our own space.  Rent is paid for a  year, things are put away, kids transitioned well into their new school, etc.  We're getting used to major supermarkets being 30 miles away.  We keep a full gas can in the shed, and have needed it twice after driving up the hill on an almost empty tank.  Jeff has applied for a few jobs, had a few interviews, but nothing has panned out yet.  He's definitely needed the time off, but as it's occurred to us that we probably can't get a building loan on one income, he's been looking.

We are slowly meeting people, but I've been traveling a lot for work, and our schedule has been very wonky.  Jeff has befriended a carpenter down the road who seems to want to build our house; the carpenter is married to an ex-CSU faculty member whom I'd met years ago and who has mutual friends in the senate.  There is also a woman two doors down who has a little boy who likes to play with S. & L.  The social thing is slowly improving.

I'm getting used to the 88-mile each way drive to work.  It's not a big deal except when I don't leave myself a margin for traffic issues, which don't seem to pop up unless I'm already pushing it.  Everyone thought it was going to be an issue, but it really isn't.

Last week, a 100-foot trench was dug in our property, and we got an informal ok on the seismic/geologic conditions...we can't build exactly where we wanted, but we can build close by.  I've been reacquainting myself with a 3D building program so I can sketch out the terrain: big time-sink, but fun, and we are still thinking about the barn house.  The next step will be the septic percolation test and then water and power.  

Something I've been thinking about lately is this:  How does life change when one gets what one wants?  I remember sitting in my in-laws' dining table in Houston in 2004, trying to explain to them why RIGHT NOW was a good time to sell my house, because it would allow us to pay off most of our lot loan, and why RIGHT NOW was a good time to move West...because we would then be closer to the lot.  I'm sure we seemed crazy: that was ten years ago.  Then, when we lived in the cavernous and dangerous storefront in Oakland while Jeff worked his first social work job and I was a lecturer.  Then the seemingly illogical move farther north to Napa, where we hunted down the elusive short sale and had our kids.  Then, selling it and moving into my mom's house last summer.  We are fucking crazy!  We have certainly sucked it up in pursuit of this goal.  But now we are actually within range of achieving it, and it's a weird feeling.  I feel stable in ways I haven't ever felt stable.  And nuts in ways I hadn't predicted.  I still drive up Skyland Road and feel like I'm visiting my own soul.  Just visiting.  

We are certainly eccentric; this I've also realized.  Our lifestyle is not for everyone.  We've been in a fishbowl for the last four months, and everyone's looked in: my mother, her boyfriend, our neighbors.  They think we sleep too much, don't spend enough time on grooming, are not giving our children enough routine.  They are probably right in some ways, but not right enough for us to recast ourselves as Better Parents.  The girls are happy and strong, and I'm proud of them (and us).  I can't wait to unpack it all in our own space.